Today wasn’t as bad as the others.
I first woke up early in the morning to my roommate talking over the phone with her mom. I found it strange - it was gentle murmuring that nudged me awake, not my alarm (which didn’t go off, again.) I then closed my eyes for what felt like ten minutes. An hour had actually passed after I opened them - if I had laid in bed any longer I would have been late for Math. And at that point I was already tired of cutting classes.
Sir Daryl managed to discuss functions in a way that actually seemed interesting - I could remember, with disdain, how I had been so prone to falling asleep while Miss Doris was discussing the same topic last schoolyear. Of course came the expected seat work, and my group managed to finish it, Jericho having done most of the work. Which reminds me - I need to work harder on absolute values contained within compositions.
I think I wasn’t as lost as I thought I would be during Econ, but I was still lost nonetheless. Professor Toby kept going on and on about imperfect competition and regulatory policies, and all that I could think of was how strange her outfit looked, underneath the extremely long blouse that she habitually wore. It look like a sparkly, sequinned tank top with alternating colors.
I had lunch today with Jonathan at Engine 46, where we both ate pizza and fries. The highlight was when his first love was also in the restaurant, and in Fully Booked, where we trooped off to after eating. The situation then seemed surreal; giving a guy advice from a girl’s point of view. The act itself wasn’t strange, only that this time, the guy seemed to be the one who was overthinking the situation.
I’m waiting for my dad to come back after the airport and surprise him with a late birthday gift; I hope he’ll be agreeable to eating out, my treat.
The heaviness has mostly gone away, but a part of it has still remained, that much I know. It’s still heavy.
But I’m getting better.
It’s nearly 11 PM, and I have Econ and Math classes to worry about tomorrow. But all that I’m thinking of is how the heaviness never seemed to go away.
Tonight is the first night this week that I haven’t cried or burst into tears at the thought of home. And while I’m relieved, even for a moment, I can’t help but feel cautious. The thread I’m currently treading is dangerous. I just don’t want to veer into opposite horizons this time.
We all know how painful it is to care too much and to not care at all.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – college is still two months away, and for now, there is more time than the number of things that I could think of possibly doing. Instead of writing this blog post, I should be studying my Economics and Math 17 books or answering my College Vocabulary workbook, but I’m not inclined to do my academics at the moment. Sigh.
I’m actually in the mood to socialize, and when I say socialize, I mean communicating online with friends, both new and old alike. I’m leaning towards my new friends in college, particularly the ones with the same course and block as I have, because as sociopathic as I might feel, I want to know them better. I only am familiar with a handful, but at least I know them. Some of the ones I do know have formed their own college barkadas, and I actually feel left out on the entire thing. Old friends are alright in my book too, but… talking to them will make me miss them more than I probably should. I swear, sometime during this morning, I laid in bed for hours and just replayed my best memories of high school inside my head. Hanging out with my best friend yesterday helped curb that need to stay in touch with them, but sigh, there are just some people that I want to see, other than her. Most of them are knee-deep in college life already, and mine hasn’t really begun yet. Sometimes I wish UP didn’t vote for Diliman to start in August, I miss the feeling of being busy. It helps me not to think, and needless to say all this time on my hands is making me entertain unwelcome thoughts.
I’m also itching to write something for epeolatric or finish my SoEul piece, but I can’t think straight, or at least, appropriately enough to be creative. I’m missing out on something but I don’t know what it is. I don’t want to fall into writers’ block again; I don’t think I have enough energy left to search for something that’s out of my grasp.
I have too much free time on my hands and not enough things to do, so I thought of coming up with a blog to chronicle my college life. I already have a blog, mind you, but epeolatric is my treasure trove for creative writing, and it would be messy (for lack of a better word) if I wrote posts about my everyday experiences, hence this.
College starts in about two months, so it looks like I won’t be putting in my two cents as soon as I had hoped to. Nevertheless, should anything college-related happen, I trust that I’ll write about over here.
Not too bad for an introductory post, I assume? Thankfully that’s out of the way now.